Monday, October 20, 2008

Captivated by the CREATOR

The things I say in this blog aren't purposely meant to be a sequel of the last one, but it seems that God has taken me on a series of new revelations in the last couple of days!

I am a person who struggles with guilt - guilt of things I've done wrong in the past which is funny because almost everything I do wrong I can forgive myself and move on, but if it involves quiet times, I suffer from guilt. I feel guilty when I miss a quiet time, when I push God away, when I decide to do something else (eg. watch a movie) instead of spend time with God, or when I answer my phone during a 'quiet time'. Stuff like that.

Lately, I have felt like I'm 'doomed' to be one of those people who stop following God because they haven't experienced enough of Him. I don't think I could ever stop following God but the fear that I'm doomed for that has come up in my mind lately. Obviously that fear hasn't been from God. I also let all the times I've pushed God away build up and felt like God is struggling to forgive me because I've pushed Him away so much. Obviously another lie from the evil one!

So anyway, last night (the night after I was ROMANCED by the CREATOR!) I was CAPTIVATED by the Creator. I was trying to spend time with God but had all this guilt building up, and I finally cried out to God asking Him to take it away, and then said: "Any guilt that is NOT conviction of the Holy Spirit: Anything that is condemnation from Satan: Be gone in Jesus' name". And I felt a weight lifted off my shoulder, I no longer felt guilty.

I then wanted to read some Bible verses about forgiveness and guilt so I looked some up on the internet and came across a website: http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/dealing_with_guilt.php

I read the whole thing, and to be honest, I felt like I saw God for the first time (in a LONNNNNNG time!). I was captivated by the words "Know that your past sins have been forgiven, and that you are now clean in Christ Jesus. Stop thinking about your past sins and start thinking about the new person you are in Christ. We are NEVER told to mull around our past sins, but rather to forget the things which are behind and press forward." (http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/dealing_with_guilt.php).

Through reading this study on this website, I realised that I have a stronghold of guilt, and I have been struggling to connect with God when I spend time with Him because all I can see is the lie that all HE can see is all the times I've pushed Him away. Then I stop myself from spending much time with Him because I know I'll just push Him away again, maybe the next day, maybe the next hour, maybe the next minute! But it's also because of this stronghold that I have been pushing Him away.

And the revelation I had was that because of Christ, I am HOLY! What the?!?! It seems sooo amazing to be true!!! But it IS true. Because of Christ, God sees me as someone who has never sinned. He has chosen to forget my sins. When I sin, it's like the first time because all the other times have been forgotten. So of course He is NOT struggling to forgive me for ALL my sins, because He already has! When I ask Him to forgive me for pushing Him away, it's like I am asking forgiveness for just this sin, because there are no others (not because I'm perfect but because all the others are already forgiven and OUT OF SIGHT!)

Wowwwww..................pretty captivating hey?

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Romanced by the CREATOR

For all their lives, girls dream of being romanced. We dream of finding our Prince Charming who will come and pick us up - rescue us from all our troubles and take us on a journey full of romance, away from troubles and pain. We dream of someone handsome and thoughtful, sensitive and loving, appreciative, safe, strong and with real "gentleman" qualities.

I have been looking for the Prince Charming, the "perfect" man to come and pick me up and take me away, but when the reality hit me that there is NO perfect man and they all have their flaws (just like us women!) I was discouraged. I feel like I was made for romance. Alot of girls do. They feel like they are made for romance...but we are never satisfied enough, because the perfect guy is NOT out there. So we become confused and unsatisfied. We are looking to the men in our life to romance us, but it doesn't always happen quite like we expected it.

Last night I had a revelation to this concept.

I realised that the perfect guy IS out there. And He has already romanced you. He has already romanced me! All the romance I have ever longed for, I HAVE! Yep - I think you can guess who it is...not your boyfriend, fiancee or husband...but your Creator. The Creator of ROMANCE! Just read Song of Songs, the most romantic book of the Bible, to see how God wrote romance into our lives. BUT - read Song of Songs with the view of God talking to YOU. This is what God asked me to do last night, and I realised that I was being romanced by the Creator of the Universe.

Also Ezekiel 16:6-14 shows us how God has taken us out of the "miry clay" and given us life, love, and everything else we've ever wanted. Of course it goes on to say what we do to Him in return and the chapter gets worse and worse after verse 14, but if you read the whole way through, it is a story of God rescuing His people (us), declaring His marriage vows, and then us going to commit adultery. God gets angry and jealous, threatening to take everything away from us so that we can come back to realise what's important again, and have LIFE again, and then He promises to fully restore us.

So - all you girls out there who have always longed to be romanced: rejoice, because you have already been romanced. And you can be romanced again and again. God isn't just your friend, ruler, Father, Spirit, Son of the Father, and Shepherd...but He is your lover too.

Here is a pic (taken from a few pics I got off the internet) and I added some bible verses to them (Ez 16:14 and Song of Songs 4:1) and just a glimpse (a few words) of a song I wrote after my revelation...so be ENCOURAGED!!!


Tuesday, October 14, 2008

TEAM AUSSIE>>>>>>>pics

Here are some pics (only a few!!) of the times I was able to join in with the team...my mates from Australia. They did heaps more than what's in these pics (alot of these pics show no hard work, haha), but they sure have been working their butts off.

Taking the guys on a songtaew - Me and Rach ^

The team working with the kids at Samut Chedi Cell church ^

Jules, Lani and me hanging out at the church ^ And below, Mary and I at the church

Rach sharing her amazing testimony (and Mum translating) of being healed by God from a life-threatening nut allergy in order to be able to come on this Thailand trip

The team with members and children of Samut Chedi cell church.

Eating dinner one night before going to play soccer in Bang Na with Num and some guys from YWAM Bangkok ^


With Barb, picking her husband up from the airport! Haha - we made a sign for him. ^
Num came and led worship one night, and shared his testimony with the team and another girl from my parent's local slum (this girl then decided to open her heart more to Jesus after hearing about Him for the first time through Num's testimony!) ^^^

The next pics are on a day trip (YESTERDAY) to Kanchanaburi...at the war cemetry, on a boat to the River Kwai bridge, walking on the bridge, and elephant riding....................


A typical Aussie photo ^^ Checking the time







The team has done so much for us in the last couple of weeks. They have taken over the kids programs and through that, given my parents an opportunity to get to know the ADULTS who come along and watch (because usually they are so busy taking care of the kids), they have helped my parents to build relationships with the neighbours (who have come over curiously to see what all the farangs are doing), and they have filled our house with FUN and JOY! They have done heaps more for us, but it's too much to write.

THANKYOU AUSSIE TEAM!!!!!!!! For letting God use you, for having the energy to do everything you did, and for being willing to be out all day doing stuff in the heat, just to serve God here. When I move to Isaan, PLEASE COME AND VISIT and do the same for me!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Engagement :-D

Here are some pics of the other day!










THE STORY...

Noom and I met at Imperial mall, went to get icecream at Swensens (where, on the way, a girl at a "ring" shop asked Noom "have you given it to her yet" hahaha). Noom asked me if I wanted to go ice skating, and I thought that was a little weird because he had never been ice skating and said he never wanted to go. But he knew I REALLY wanted to go. So we went ice skating, and he was acting weird but I thought it was just because he was scared about going skating. After the first hour Noom went to sit out and spent awhile with his backpack so I started suspecting things, and THEN he came back onto the rink and gradually stopped holding onto the rails (coz it was his first time skating!). So we went into the middle of the rink and he wanted to sit down, but then it was sooo cold so he stood up again and I realised he had something in his pocket (I thought it was his phone and that it may have gotten wet from sitting on the ice). So I said "what's in your pocket?" And he said "oh - nothing" then he said "Actually, a ring" and I was like "WHAT?!" and he said "I have something for you." Then he reached into his pocket and took out a box, and he said "I love you soooo much and this ring is from my heart. Will you marry me?" He opened up the box and this ring (pictured above) was sitting on rose petals. And, of course, I said: YES! So, in the middle of the ice skating rink on 7th October 2008 at about 2pm, our engagement became official!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Aussie team!!

We have the team here now...the folks from Aussie...which is very exciting!!!

I've been helping out a bit here and there. On Sunday we went across the river to Samut Chedi to go to church, and I have some photos BUT I haven't got organised enough yet - camera battery is flat!!

A funny story: Last night we took two taxis (10 people) to play soccer in Bang Na with Num and some YWAM guys - Rach, Jules, Ben and Peter played with them. And yeah, when Jules was on the field a thai guy came up behind her and she said to him "woah, where did you come from" (because she didn't realise he was there) and he said "I COME FROM THAILAND!" So that was pretty funny.

Pics coming soon :-)

Oh, and now I am officially engaged - Num gave me a ring today! The next blog will be about that :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D :-D

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Recordings...

Last weekend Num and I, along with his friend Nut, recorded some songs Num and Nut had written. The below "videos" are two recordings we did - songs named Ruu Suek (the first recording) and Lerm Dton Mai (the second recording). Num is the singer in both of them, Nut is the guitarist (lead, solo and bass) and the keyboard part in Ruu Suek is done by me.

Enjoy!!!

Ruu Suek...


Lerm Dton Mai...


Recording Num's voice for Lerm Dton Mai:

Recording Nut's guitar playing:
Num and I after recording:
Num and Nut after recording: