Captivated by the CREATOR

The things I say in this blog aren't purposely meant to be a sequel of the last one, but it seems that God has taken me on a series of new revelations in the last couple of days!

I am a person who struggles with guilt - guilt of things I've done wrong in the past which is funny because almost everything I do wrong I can forgive myself and move on, but if it involves quiet times, I suffer from guilt. I feel guilty when I miss a quiet time, when I push God away, when I decide to do something else (eg. watch a movie) instead of spend time with God, or when I answer my phone during a 'quiet time'. Stuff like that.

Lately, I have felt like I'm 'doomed' to be one of those people who stop following God because they haven't experienced enough of Him. I don't think I could ever stop following God but the fear that I'm doomed for that has come up in my mind lately. Obviously that fear hasn't been from God. I also let all the times I've pushed God away build up and felt like God is struggling to forgive me because I've pushed Him away so much. Obviously another lie from the evil one!

So anyway, last night (the night after I was ROMANCED by the CREATOR!) I was CAPTIVATED by the Creator. I was trying to spend time with God but had all this guilt building up, and I finally cried out to God asking Him to take it away, and then said: "Any guilt that is NOT conviction of the Holy Spirit: Anything that is condemnation from Satan: Be gone in Jesus' name". And I felt a weight lifted off my shoulder, I no longer felt guilty.

I then wanted to read some Bible verses about forgiveness and guilt so I looked some up on the internet and came across a website: http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/dealing_with_guilt.php

I read the whole thing, and to be honest, I felt like I saw God for the first time (in a LONNNNNNG time!). I was captivated by the words "Know that your past sins have been forgiven, and that you are now clean in Christ Jesus. Stop thinking about your past sins and start thinking about the new person you are in Christ. We are NEVER told to mull around our past sins, but rather to forget the things which are behind and press forward." (http://www.greatbiblestudy.com/dealing_with_guilt.php).

Through reading this study on this website, I realised that I have a stronghold of guilt, and I have been struggling to connect with God when I spend time with Him because all I can see is the lie that all HE can see is all the times I've pushed Him away. Then I stop myself from spending much time with Him because I know I'll just push Him away again, maybe the next day, maybe the next hour, maybe the next minute! But it's also because of this stronghold that I have been pushing Him away.

And the revelation I had was that because of Christ, I am HOLY! What the?!?! It seems sooo amazing to be true!!! But it IS true. Because of Christ, God sees me as someone who has never sinned. He has chosen to forget my sins. When I sin, it's like the first time because all the other times have been forgotten. So of course He is NOT struggling to forgive me for ALL my sins, because He already has! When I ask Him to forgive me for pushing Him away, it's like I am asking forgiveness for just this sin, because there are no others (not because I'm perfect but because all the others are already forgiven and OUT OF SIGHT!)

Wowwwww..................pretty captivating hey?